29 January 2016

A Contemplation on Life and Gaining Perspective

Sometimes things happen in life that forces you to take a step back from yourself. These events can make you want to do one of three things: run, cry or stand and fight (or all three things.. who am I to say?). It’s in these moments of despair that we might look upon the somewhat seemingly perfect lives of others and dwell in a covetous sea. But to make a claim that someone has it better than you, based purely on the surface, is a naïve act of futility.

It’s the futility that perhaps makes it a vicious cycle that you repeat over and over – comparing yourself to others, desiring another life over yours or setting up a campaign of self-loathing. And sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it’s harder than you could have ever imagined, but like my best friend told me once before, “These bad times are not permanent. It could be worse – you could be dead.” And that’s the truth, isn’t it? Death is the only permanent act. Death is the end all, be all. In a way it’s refreshing to acknowledge that – to accept it and to move on.

Over the past six months of experiencing life in the form of a roller coaster in the beginning, I can say that yes, it was awful, but it could have been worse. Because then I think about all the amazing things that came out of that roller coaster and I am thankful. I will never regret my past, they were not mistakes, they were not all bad. They made me grow and if you can’t grow from your past, you’re doomed. I’m thankful for that knowledge of my past because I realized the things that I could and could not handle. The perspectives that I've gained has all been worth it.
25 January 2016

Ten Truths also known as the Post Where I Share Random Personal Facts

one  If there are raspberries in the fridge I will eat them and force myself to not eat all of them.

two Hot weather makes me sleepy. Perhaps I am part cat.

three Speaking of sleep, if it's nighttime and I am "made" to watch a Marvel comics movie, I will fall asleep during the middle of it. Sorry Alex! Hah.

four I have A LOT of journals that are half started, but to my defense each journal is dedicated to a different thing. Like blogging, YouTube, daily life, etc.

five I follow Gainesville Rabbit Rescue on FB and every time they post a photo and story about a bunny who needs a forever home I feel like crying.

six I hate living in Florida and I look forward to Alex & I moving away from here at some point.

seven If I could live anywhere in the world it would be either New Orleans or Whitby, England.

eight I have a strange way of creating a thousand different possibilities when I am anxious.

nine I typically have a hard time making frivolous decisions, like what to eat or wear. I like the idea of never having to make those types of decisions again. It's a waste of mental energy.

ten I can be extremely headstrong. Sometimes I wonder if it's more of a hindrance than anything.
23 January 2016

We're moving out, soon!

Life has been a little stressful lately and I’ve been trying hard to stay centered. Finding an apartment has been an incredibly daunting task. Now that we've found a place, and have been approved, the stress has started to melt away (a little - lol). Thankfully the stress has diminished enough for me to have a chance to enjoy the excitement of moving out of my parents house! I'll miss them, and I am glad for their support, but I'm so ready for this.

Over the past few months Alex & I have been compiling all of the items that we need to move out. We decided that most of the items should reflect us as a couple. We bought a new queen size mattress (have I mentioned that we've been sharing a twin size bed?!), a new headboard with a bed frame, pretty Ikea dinnerware, English tea rose silverware, new pots and pans, a duvet and pintucked duvet cover, soft sheets and bathroom decor items. The other day I found the fluffiest mint/turquoise jersey-cotton bath rug, a matching shower curtain and toothbrush holder that all coincide with one another. I seriously cannot wait to show you the finished rooms!

I've spent the majority of today reorganizing the boxes I never unpacked from when I moved into my parents back in July of last year. I purged a lot of unwanted items so I don't take anything I don't really love - or sparks joy with me. This little act of purging prior to the move has felt good and it's made me want to purge even more! I am sick of having too many unnecessary or unwanted items and a move is truly a great time do to just that.

Next week is going to be crazy, but I'm ready for it.
17 January 2016

What's In My Bag - Winter Edition

I'm a sucker for those "what's in my bag" posts and I haven't done a blog version in a very long time. I did a YouTube video of it last year, but bags change and I wanted to do one that I've been using lately.
what's in my bag - winter edition
The bag I'm currently using is actually the bag I used during christmas time, because I'm a weirdo and I tend to change out my bags each season and come December I start donning my green vintage Coach bag. I would have switched it out by now, but I'm really loving how small it is, especially because it still manages to hold A LOT of things thanks to it's many compartments - which makes it perfect for everyday use.

the conents of my bag - winter edition

So, here's what's in my bag!

I got my MBMJ wallet last January. It is a different colour than I normally would have purchased, but that's why I love it! It has dark metallic pink on one side and dark pink leather on the other side. SWOON!

Even though it's winter the sun still shines extra bright in Florida and having these on hand are a definite must because my eyes can be extremely sensitive to light.

Makeup Bag
I'm going to be honest with you here, I have mostly lipstick in this bag, like there are 4 different shades of lipstick! Along with a backup tube of mascara, lip balm and a compact mirror.

Swiss Army Knife
My step-dad gave this to me last month when I asked him if he had something that would bore a hole into leather. Magically, he did and it was a Swiss Army Knife - which I had always wanted. Thankfully, he let me keep it.

A Notebook & Pen
Sometimes I am struck with the overwhelming urge to write something down and having a pen (yes, that paint tube is actually a pen in disguise) and paper on hand makes my life easier. Sometimes the notebook gets removed from my bag and when that happens I'll use the memo app on my phone.

Hand Sanitizer
This is a must. That Carex bottle is actually from England and I've refilled it several times because I love it and want to keep it. 

Phone & Phone Charger
My phone isn't pictured, but I don't leave home without this damn thing, mostly because I'm terrified something will happen and I'll need it and won't have it. Yes, I've driven home to get it when I realized I didn't have it.The charger is more for Alex, than me. His phone's battery life SUCKS and this thing has come in handy quite a bit

Every time I don't have these with me I need them.

Things I should keep in my bag, but don't:
a book or my Kindle
my actual camera
cashews for random snacking
water (if only it would fit)

What is your must-have item(s) that you keep in your bag?
15 January 2016

An Ode to the Stunning Sky Above

When I was younger I used to sneak out of my bedroom window just to stand outside and look up above into the abyss of night. The stunning sky above, filled with a million stars steadily illuminating the hours of darkness, calmed me in a way that nothing else could. In those moments I was infinitesimal, surrounded by an engulfing quietness that the world can only offer after the sun has gone down. I felt apart of something bigger than myself, I felt whole and alive – and with that came an immeasurable realization of the beauty and chaos of what life truly is.

I still wonder what the night sky must have looked like two hundred years ago, with no ever-present glow of electricity or haze of pollution to cloud the view of those too-bright stars, and
how overwhelming it must have felt to look up and see something so beautiful that it hurt to know how out of reach it truly was. And it’s strange to me because I want that//// I want to feel that feeling of being so incredibly small that nothing and everything matters all at once.
10 January 2016

When He Gives Her Flowers

I've been given flowers before, but they were typically always flowers for a reason. With Alex, he gives me flowers for no reason at all and it's always a surprise - something that I've always dreamed of.
The other night he was telling me that whenever he gets me flowers he has to choose them based
on how they look because he hasn't been able to find me favourite flowers (popppies) in any of the flower shops around here. And for some reason I apologized for my unconventional taste in flowers. He smiled at me and said No sweetheart, that's just another reason why I love you so much.

I created a hashtag on Instagram for the flowers he gives me. Join me at #whenhegivesherflowers
07 January 2016

Through the Lens: A Failed Attempt at Capturing the Super Blood Moon

Last year in October, Alex & I drove up to the highest hill in town to view the super blood moon.

We patiently waited for the fog to clear. We packed a mini late night picnic and noshed on our goodies in anticipation of the moon to turn to a glowing red. Unfortunately, the sky only got hazier as the night went on. It appeared as though Florida cancelled the event without telling anyone. I still like these photos though.
06 January 2016

Sugar IS A Drug: A Mémoire

I've had a headache for two days straight and after four cups of coffee, three advil, a break from all things emitting light and Alex rubbing my head for thirty minutes straight, it finally ceased.
I haven’t had a headache this bad in months and I know the reason why.

The timing of the month is part of the reason, but it is that combined with the fact that I went overboard with sugar during the month of December. After doing Whole 30 earlier last year I noticed a difference when sugar wasn’t a part of my diet. Less headaches, more energy and no more stomach problems. Even after that entire month of Whole30 I consumed a very, small amount of sugar here and there, but nowhere near the amounts that I consumed last month. Here’s what I learned:

Sugar is a drug and a shitty one at that. During December I started off small in the sugar consumption. It started with a cookie, a couple homemade marshmallows, a sugar filled latte from Starbucks, but then it turned into a full on spree of MUST CONSUME ALL THINGS SUGAR. I found myself reaching for a mini piece of chocolate and while I was in mid chew I was already opening the second, the third and the fourth. Cookies, pie, eggnog, a tablespoon of sugar in my coffee, you name it. If it had sugar in it, it was in my mouth. By the end of the month I realized what was happening...

Towards the end of the month I was eating sugar when I wasn’t even craving it! And I was mindlessly eating way too much of it. Now this may not seem like a big deal to some people, but it is to me. Sugar has always had the propensity to make me sick to my stomach and yet here I was, shoveling sugar into my gullet by the tablespoons. So earlier this week, when the headache started, I knew I had to get some control back because my body was suffering the consequences.

So starting today, I’m pledging to not consume any sugar for at least two weeks. I need to start small here since the addiction (strong word, I know – but that’s how it feels!) was heavy in December. After I can make it two weeks, I’ll add two more.

If you’re wondering why I’m posting about this here, it’s because my accountability for not consuming sugar on the first of the year was deplorable and I need a larger accountability. Hello, blog! I love you for that!
02 January 2016

A Memory and A Kiss

Sometimes when I think about our first encounter, from when we were teenagers, my mind struggles to properly put all of the pieces back together. The ones that are missing are far too hazy and fog-ridden for me to create a concrete memory. Sadly, there is a list of things that I cannot remember but there is also a list of things that I will never forget: a dimly lit movie theater with Dark Citiy projected onto the screen and your fingers interlaced with mine,  how your innocent fifteen year old face would look upon mine whenever I spoke, the shape of your eyes, your dark hair.

And during all those years in between, I remembered your name. 
Your name would always linger in the back of my mind. Sometimes it would come out of nowhere and along with it came a sense of a memory, a feeling that I couldn’t quite pin down. But when I saw you again, after seventeen years of us being apart, all of those missing pieces fell into place. All of those feelings came rushing in and when you placed your lips upon mine, for the first time in years, I remembered how it felt to kiss you.