11 January 2018

A Light In the Dark

This photo might be blurry but that smile is a genuine representation of how I feel on a regular basis. But that wasn’t always the case. If you would have told me three years ago that I would experience true happiness come the summer of 2015, I would have laughed in your face. Back then I never knew that life could be this good, that I could feel a love so strong or experience mutual respect. Sometimes when I think of my past I don’t even consider it a life lived - it was nothing more than an existence. Yes, there were bits and pieces of happiness, but it was never consistent and something always sent me searching down even darker paths.

But in the summer of 2015, everything changed the night that Alex & I re-met. That was when an overwhelming feeling of clarity began to settle into the very fiber of my being. Alex was so different, so sweet and so pure - like white magic. And all those years filled with depression, anxiety, pain, and hurt were no longer a badge of courage. My current situation had morphed into something that I knew I could no longer put up with. I had finally learned that I deserved so much more. That night something within me changed and I made the decision, right then and there, to leave my previous marriage. It was sudden (and shocking to some, I’m sure) but it had taken me so, so long to finally gain that courage and move on.

I still can’t fully explain how my fearlessness went from zero to sixty in less than twenty-four hours, but it did. It was raw and real and urgent. But what I do know is that it was because of Alex, my light in the dark. And my god, how much brighter the light is after the storm...